The Reality of Relationships: Lessons from My First and Only Love

Relationships aren't easy. There’s no secret there. But it’s also one of the most rewarding experiences when you find someone worth putting in the effort for. I’ve always been someone who hides their emotions and keeps things close to the chest, but in my current relationship, I’m learning every day that being open and vulnerable doesn't make me weak — it makes me stronger. 

I’ve been in my longest relationship ever for almost 10 months now, and while we’re far from perfect, I can't imagine living life with anyone else. My boyfriend is my first love, and I’m confident that he will be my last. But let me tell you, these past months haven’t been all rainbows and butterflies. There have been plenty of bumps along the way. And the reality of it is, relationships are hard work. However, when you work together, the results are so rewarding. Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned in the early stages of loving someone:

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1. Communication is Everything (Even When It’s Hard)

In the beginning, it’s easy to get lost in the excitement of a new relationship. But as time goes on, you start to realize how important it is to communicate openly and honestly. Communication isn't just about talking, it's about listening and understanding each other, even when things aren't going smoothly.

My boyfriend and I recently got into an argument over something small, but it escalated because we weren’t communicating well. It felt like we were just talking at each other instead of with each other. When the dust settled, we sat down and talked it through, both of us calm. And that was the key: really talking through our emotions and sharing how we felt in that moment. I won’t lie, it wasn’t easy, but it made all the difference. Sometimes it feels like a no-brainer to “just communicate,” but trust me, it can be so hard. But it’s the foundation of any healthy relationship.

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2. Set Realistic Expectations

This one’s deep, and it’s something I’ve come to realize over time. You have to be real about your intentions and why you’re in the relationship. You can’t force yourself to love someone for the wrong reasons — it will never end well.

My boyfriend is a teacher, and I know realistically that I’m not marrying him for his paycheck. I’m a journalist, so the financial expectations in our relationship aren’t going to match up to some romanticized ideal. That’s okay. We support each other and work together to build a future, but we don’t live in a fantasy where we expect things we can’t realistically achieve right now. Setting real expectations helps you avoid disappointment later.

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3. Respect and Space are Key

Respect is the cornerstone of any loving relationship, but something I’ve really learned is how important space is too. I’ve come to understand that I feel most respected when I’m given space when I need it. When I get angry, I know I need some time alone to cool off, and that’s okay.

Space isn’t just about getting distance from each other; it’s about making sure you’re both protected from saying things you might regret. The time apart gives us both the opportunity to reflect on the issue and come back to the conversation with a clearer mind. It’s amazing how much space can help, especially when you both respect each other's boundaries and needs.

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4. Embrace Growth and Change

No one is the same person they were five years ago, and that’s especially true in a relationship. Over time, we all grow, change, and evolve — and that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay; it’s necessary. If you’re going to be in a relationship with someone, you need to accept that they’re going to change over time, and so will you.

It’s crucial to remember that change isn’t a bad thing. It’s part of life. As you grow individually, it’s important to support each other and grow together. You’ll learn new things about each other, face challenges together, and, ultimately, become better versions of yourselves because of each other. It may be tough sometimes, but if you grow together, it’ll only make your bond stronger.

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5. It’s Never Just 50/50

A common idea people have is that a relationship should always be 50/50 — that both partners should contribute equally at all times. But that’s just not realistic. Life throws curveballs, and sometimes one person will need to give more than the other. And that’s okay. There will be days when one of you is struggling, and the other will need to step up and support more. Or, when you’re both down, you’ll need to work together to figure out how you can still contribute and show up for each other.

The beauty of relationships is that you’re in it together, no matter what. It’s not about perfectly splitting everything down the middle; it’s about understanding when to give more and when to lean on your partner. Relationships are about being there for each other, no matter what.

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Relationships are a beautiful, challenging journey, and they require work. But as you go through it, you learn more about yourself, your partner, and what love truly means. I’ve learned so much over the past 10 months, and I know I’ll continue to learn more. Love isn’t just about the good times — it’s about weathering the storms together, understanding that no one is perfect, and supporting each other through the ups and downs.

If you put in the effort, communicate openly, and embrace growth together, your relationship will be something incredibly special. I’m excited to see where mine will go.